Monday, February 25, 2008

Post Oscar Thoughts version 2.0

Hey readers. Last February I posted what I thought of the Oscars. I had last night off (I work at the bar on some Sunday nights), so I decided to do the same thing again this time around. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have time to go see many of the nominees this year. Matter of fact - the only 2 I saw were The Bourne Ultimatum and Juno. As the program began.. .. .. so did my mind:

  • How does the winner of Best Costume Design (Elizabeth) wear such a hideous outfit? I know nothing about fashion, I'll be the first to admit it. What I do know is that lady walked into her den and pulled the drapes off the window, quickly wrapped it around her albino-esque body, and exited the room.

  • The Montage is still one of the greatest things ever. Period.

  • Dear Katherine Heigl - No one cares you're nervous. You look hot. Please act like it.

  • Eddie Murphy - Please make 1 movie where you don't play multiple characters. We get it. You're 'versatile' and 'funny'. In fact, how about you just stick to making Beverly Hills Cop movies. People liked those. I don't think I've enjoyed any of your movies that have come out in the past 10 years. (Shrek doesnt count). If you do decide to make another BHC movie, make sure Judge Reinhold is in it.

  • "The Happy Working Song" - The 21st century's answer to "Clean Up, Clean Up, Everybody do their Share" song. I can't believe this l'il ditty is being sung at the Oscars. Slim pickin's for original music in the movies last year eh? I Wonder what would happen if sweatshop tyrants played this song all day. The kids productivity would SOAR! SOAR I TELL YOU!

  • Catherine Zeta-Jones...Douglas? I know it's a bit late - but - honey, you could've done better.

  • And the Golden Compass wins for Visual FX! All I gotta say is, SUCK IT, MICHAEL BAY!

  • The 'Binoculars & Parascopes' and 'Bad Dreams' montages were very worthwhile. I don't care what anyone says!

  • So the guy who won for the 'Peter and the Wolf' actually brought the Peter doll on stage with him. I was burning with anticipation of what he would do with it. I was hoping he would be a ventriloquist and thank the academy with the doll. Sadly, no dice. He brought the puppet on stage, and then did NOTHING with it. WTF. He strolled on down and acted completely normal. What a letdown.

  • How many of Jon Stewart's comments were ad-libbed? I want to know this answer.

  • Per Hallberg - aka guy who won for sound editing (Bourne Ultimatum) looks like a straight up child molester. The dangly earring and blond ponytail are a bit much dude. Per Hallberg? More like Perv Hallberg (I'm sure he's never heard this one before...)

  • I feel like I could hang out with Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. And then I feel like they could make me famous by giving me a small, yet memorable role in an upcoming movie of theirs. Yes, my path to success in this world relies on Seth Rogen & Jonah Hill.

  • On Frank Caliendo and Frank Caliendo portraying George Bush in those awful 'Frank TV' commercials - "Well, both of them won't be around much longer". - Dan Krueger

  • Harrison Ford looks like he absolutely HATES life. Hates it. Is it because you're still dating Calista Flockhart? She looks like an emu that got in a fight with a bulldozer.

  • Me Tarzan. You Diablo Cody. (Aka winner of original screenplay for Juno. She wore this jungle inspired leopard dress. This morning, I discovered that she is a former stripper. Ah, this is all falling into place now...)

  • Last but not least, Mr. Daniel Day Lewis (DDL from now on) for being such a badass. At least, for being a badass in all of his movies. But during the acceptance speech, he seemed really awkward, and extremely timid. I guess he's just the best actor of all time, cuz his demeanor really caught me off guard. Give that man a hatchet!

There you have it. Post-Oscar thoughts. Do you have any? Did you even watch it? Leave a comment and let me know.

1 comment:

deuddersun said...

Sorry Bro, don't watch that fuckfest of self-adulation and celebrity grandstanding, so I can't offer anything here.