Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Who eats this stuff?

Everytime I see an Ihop commercial on tv, I come close to puking in my mouth. Seriously - who eats these pancake things with strawberry cardiac arrest glaze and whip cream on top? Not I, nor anyone else I know. Long gone are the days where a dollop of butter & some maple syrup adorned the pancake. Apparently Americans now shovel this concoction of glucose and flour into their pie-holes (should it now be changed to pancake-holes? This is a serious question I'm posing to you) Never have I felt the urge to have my flapjacks drowning in some blueberry-syrup, whipped cream topped mess. It just doesn't make any sense. How messed up do you have to be to look at your server & order the 'death platter' ? Make sure to hold the banana slices though - you wouldn't want anything slightly nutritious in there. But feel free to throw in some yogurt or ice cream, chief.
To be honest, I was going to end this post right here, with a picture of the new grotesque inventions from the sick minds over at IHOP. Here they are, the new 'shortcake' pancakes:

But the worst is yet to come. Upon venturing to their corporate site, I got hit with this:

...The FUCK is that? You have to be kidding me. It's not like America is the most obese nation in the world or anything. If you're a parent, and you let your kids eat this - punch yourself in the throat. Dr. Seuss-inspired FATcakes for the kids? I'm blown away. Little Timmy will have to sit out a few days in gym class, due to his arteries choking on the chunks of pure fat gurgling through them. Poor lad. He had so much going for him. If the visually stunning sugar glaze isn't enough for their sweet-tooth, the sucker bursting through the top of this disgusting Everest mountain of shit sure will be. The description, courtesy of IHOP:

"Who-Ville's Who-cakes with lots and lots of surprises. Shortcake pancakes of all shapes and sizes. Real boysenberry and blueberry glaze on top. With rainbow chocolate chips and a pink lollipop!"

I think I'm truly upset.

Monday, March 03, 2008

The J. Geils Band is not smart.

A couple weeks ago Dan & I went to a record store to check the place out. The idea was to decorate our white walls with LP's that had illustrated covers. It worked out well. Jimi Hendrix, Moody Blues, Steve Winwood, and the J. Geils Band were some of the artists purchased. Here's our sexy interior decorating outcome:

From left to right: Steve Winwood - Talking Back to the Night, Jimi Hendrix - The Cry of Love, Wha-Koo - Berkshire, J. Geils Band - Live! Full House, Moody Blues' The Present and In Search of the Lost Chord. Some really cool illustrations on the last 2 Moody Blues covers. Anyways, let's take a closer look at the J. Geils Band LP.

Hmmm. Bright. Vibrant. Yellow.

A closer look. You tell me what's wrong with this picture.

Is there something I'm missing? Is the J. Geils band this stupid, or is there a hidden meaning here? Playing a joke on the fans? I'm lost. If anyone has info on this, let me know. If you still haven't figured it out - I'm not going to tell you.