To be honest, I was going to end this post right here, with a picture of the new grotesque inventions from the sick minds over at IHOP. Here they are, the new 'shortcake' pancakes:
But the worst is yet to come. Upon venturing to their corporate site, I got hit with this:
...The FUCK is that? You have to be kidding me. It's not like America is the most obese nation in the world or anything. If you're a parent, and you let your kids eat this - punch yourself in the throat. Dr. Seuss-inspired FATcakes for the kids? I'm blown away. Little Timmy will have to sit out a few days in gym class, due to his arteries choking on the chunks of pure fat gurgling through them. Poor lad. He had so much going for him. If the visually stunning sugar glaze isn't enough for their sweet-tooth, the sucker bursting through the top of this disgusting Everest mountain of shit sure will be. The description, courtesy of IHOP:
"Who-Ville's Who-cakes with lots and lots of surprises. Shortcake pancakes of all shapes and sizes. Real boysenberry and blueberry glaze on top. With rainbow chocolate chips and a pink lollipop!"
I think I'm truly upset.