Friday, March 23, 2007

The Invasion is upon us. . .

Greetings from Boone Court. You know, Boone has been a great place to live so far. Spacious interior, great party basement, room for 5. But with the good comes the bad. Like...a driveway composed of mud and rainwater that you get stuck in and have to eventually call a tow truck to pull you out of. Or a steep rent price for a drafty house (which makes for 340$ electric/gas bills 3 or 4 months of the year) and water leaking through electrical light fixtures via the kitchen ceiling. But let's face it, this is a college town, and thus, this is a college house. You're not gonna get luxury unless you live in bluff ridge or those other apartments off tratt street that I can't think of right now. Anyways, this house is old. On our circuit breaker downstairs, I believe theres a note written that says, "Installed & Inspected by (name)- 1957". Super. I feel safe.

So, with the seasons changing, so does Boone. A once cozy home in the winter, it now becomes a death trap. A lingering funk hangs in the air (And no, it's not the soiled couches that produce this funk). This is a completely different vibe. A sense of hostility. A sense of fear. The moist air beckons for the beast to come out of its lair. The predator has been incubating many a month, and is now itching to bask in the Wisconsin....darkness? Of course I'm referring to...

...the House Centipede. Think of the movie arachnophobia. But instead of spiders, we have centipedes. Big, small, medium, fat, skinny, ray lewis-like...they squirm in all shapes & sizes. And we have all forms. May God have mercy on the 5 poor women who inherit this house for the 2007-2008 school year. By the time they move in around late August, Jon and I will most likely have killed 100 of these things. And that's not an exagerration. During the Summer of 2006, I recall me and Jon being deadlocked at 48 a piece. I'm also not kidding when I say I'm going to document every single kill I (and Jon, if I'm here) make of these bastards. I'm putting my life to good use people. I started with a an associates in journalism and I'm leaving with a doctorate in centipede removal.

Embedded below this are two videos from a bit before midnight on March 23, 2007. I went to the kitchen to clean off a dish, and above my food cabinet was a nasty 2-incher. Sounds small, but the antannae adds a few pounds. Either way, sorry for the camera problems and the sound; it was the first time I took video with my digital camera (shout out to Mom for the digi). Enjoy, as I'm sure there will be more to come.

The Intro:

and the thrill of victory:

And that's how it's done. With a shoe. Cuz centipedes will crawl out of paper towel, laugh in the general direction of fly swatters, and do the backstroke when doused with water. Next up: High Intensity Raid, and eventually - Brake Fluid.
Please go here to learn about our adversary:

Till then, happy hunting.

Monday, March 12, 2007

"I'll take Potpourri for 600"

I haven't blogged it up in awhile. We have a lot to cover. Join me?

Last weekend was the 3rd annual 'Bar Scavenger Hunt', or as some call it, the scavenger 'drunk'. Despite the lower than normal turnout this year, I believe all who participated had a good time. Highlights included people stretching condoms over their heads, making out with randoms, public urination, and drinking heavily. If you want the list to look it over, you can get it here: . Click the link and right-click save-as on the link that's showed. Thanks to yousendit for the superb file hosting service.

Ever search your name on Google? I did the other day. Usually it's always the same stuff. Lo and behold, this time it wasn't! Apparently theres some new article database which has all my articles I wrote for the Royal Purple. For those of you who don't know, I used to be a print journalism major. Writing for the RP my sophomore year consisted of me turning in my stories late, then watching as the editors butchered and rewrote those stories to the point where you couldn't even tell that I wrote it anymore. And then maybe they'd print it. Check out the stories here:

Highlights include #4, which was my first beat story ever. I remember my news editor saying, "Jake, I want you to go to the health center and do a story on ways to protect yourself from std's." Cue me: "What?" Editor: "Yeah, they have some sort of dental dams there now, so go do a story on it." And you wonder why I never got into print journalism. Also noteworthy is link #2, an editorial response I wrote to some douchebag freshman kid who said that he wanted tuition raised because 'all Whitewater kids have nice fancy things'. What a tard.

Can you feel it in the air? I sure can. March Madness is upon us. CHYEAH, As if you didn't know! I'm not giving you any sleeper teams or hints, cuz that wouldnt be fair. College basketball during tourney time is the greatest spectacle in sports. I mean that. Go Badgers.

We all love cinematic adventures. I'm seen some good ones lately. First off, The Prestige was a kick ass movie. Who knew a flick about magic could be fun. Secondly, if you haven't seen the Departed, you're a lame-o. Get out from the rock you've been under and go rent/buy it. L'il factoid for ya: The F-bomb is uttered 388 times in it. Yah. Third - have you ever had a high schooler teacher who felt like he/she was 'out of it'? Teaching tactics a little off the wall? Maybe they were on THAT WHITE POWDER. In Half Nelson, a likeable middle school history teacher can't kick his drug habit. Eventually one of his students finds him all messed up in a bathroom stall. Nothing like saying 'Role Model' when you're foaming at the mouth! The foaming at the mouth part never actually happened, but you get the point. Also pretty good were The Illusionist with Ed Norton and Flags of our Fathers with Ryan Phillippe. Apparently 300 is the best movie to come out since...well, since the start of movie history.

Madison is still Madison. I'm there Tuesday - Thursday of every week, for a large portion of the day/night. Not sure when, but I'll be moving there for good quite soon. The other day, my work sent me to the University there to drop off some promo posters and whatnot. I took the shortest route, which just happens to be State St. You've all walked it before - it's fun and has a good vibe no matter what time of day. While walking by myself, I had a spark of something great. Here it is: I'm gonna eat/drink at every place on State St. Every place. We're talking Mediterranean, Nepali, Greek, name it - I'm gonna eat it. I'm going to put my stomach & intestines through hell for about 3 or 4 months. Theres 2 bad things about this. One being money. This is going to cost a pretty penny to complete this mission. Secondly, I don't like coffee, and a good portion of the places are coffee houses. I guess I'll be eating some croissants or muffins there, who knows. I'm calling it the STATE STREET CHALLENGE. And if you want to be a part of it, or if you're in the area, let me know. I don't want to be gorging myself solo.

Upcoming Events: March 17 is the day that everyone is Irish. It falls on a Saturday this year, so it will be odd not seeing students passing out in their desks for the dumb teachers that require attendance, or watching kids puke off the roof of their house...etc. The Boone Ct. Boys will be hitting up Whitewater's own THE PUB at the asscrack of dawn. Scratch that - BEFORE the asscrack of dawn. I'll never forget how bad I had to piss waiting in line to get in last year. It was excruciating. And I watched countless people take a leak in the nearby alley. I swear by the time I'd have had my zipper down - I'd be in cuffs.
March 23 marks comedian Zak Galifiniakis making a stop at the Barrymore theater in Madison. I originally was going to watch the one man mashup show GIRL TALK spin live at The Stonefly Brewery in Milwaukee, but thats not going to happen. SHAZAM - Girl Talk is playing Union South in Madison on Saturday March 24th. God loves me.

Finally, here is a short video of some guy skeet shooting with RPG's and SUV's. You read right. Wait till the end, because its definitely worth it.

Thanks for reading. I changed the settings to allow ANONYMOUS COMMENTS, so, by george, leave one. But don't be anonymous, cuz that's boring.