Friday, January 04, 2008

Breaking Down one of the Worst Songs I've Ever Heard

Unless you've been living in a closet for the past few months, you've probably seen the PS3 commercials with the gaming unit 'coming to life' and 'morphing into awesomeness'. It's a pretty cool concept, to be honest. Plus the motion graphics (especially the Spider-Man blu-ray one, where the PS3 has octopus tentacles & stuff) is top-notch. But that tv spot has ONE fault in my book. The music. Music makes or breaks commercials. And Saliva's - "Ladies and Gentlemen" is perhaps one of the worst songs I've ever heard. EVER. I think they only used it for the 'Like nothing you've seen before' lyric. I just shake my head. Have you actually listened to these lyrics? Seriously. Does Saliva think their fans are G.E.D. gettin', car maintenancin', white bread blue collared bums? Oh wait, they are. My fault. I'm going to post the original lyrics, so you can see how stupid they are. I'm getting dumber just thinking about it. Following the original lyrics, I'll break down the train wreck, line-by-line.

Saliva - "Ladies and Gentlemen"

Ladies and gentlemen please
Would you bring your attention to me?
For a feast for your eyes to see
An explosion of catastrophe

Like nothing you’ve ever seen before
Watch closely as I open this door
Your jaws will be on the floor
After this you’ll be begging for more

Welcome to the show
Please come inside
Ladies and gentlemen

----------------------
woa
Do you want it?
woa
Do you need it?
woa
Let me hear it
Ladies and gentlemen

Boom
Do you want it?
Boom
Do you need it?
Boom
Let me hear it
Ladies and gentlemen
----------------------
Ladies and gentlemen good evening
You’ve seen that seeing is believing
Your ears and your eyes will be bleeding
Please check to see if you’re still breathing

Hold tight cause the show is not over
If you will please move in closer
You're about to be bowled over
By the wonders you’re about to behold here

Welcome to the show (welcome to the show)
Please come inside
Ladies and gentlemen

(Chorus)

Welcome to the show (Welcome to the show)
We're glad you came along (We're glad you came along)
Please come inside
Ladies and gentlemen

(Chorus x4)

Wow. Wow. Say bye to your IQ. Please notice that there is NO WORTHWHILE CONTENT IN THIS SONG. Honestly, if you like this song, go die. Sorry. As promised, here is my remixed rendition of this caucophonic mess.

Saliva - "Ladies and Gentlemen" (Jakespeak Remix)

Ladies and gentlemen please People, really
Would you bring your attention to me? Look at me
For a feast for your eyes to see I SAID WATCH, DUDE!
An explosion of catastrophe Mass chaos and stuff

Like nothing you’ve ever seen before Watch this
Watch closely as I open this door Behind door #1...
Your jaws will be on the floor Aaaand now you have lockjaw
After this you’ll be begging for more Want more? I bet you do!

Welcome to the show Hi again
Please come inside Please watch us
Ladies and gentlemen All sexes

----------------------
woa *WHOA!
Do you want it? Want some?
woa Wowee!
Do you need it? Need some?
woa Woosh!
Let me hear it Did anyone hear that noise?
Ladies and gentlemen People

Boom Loud noises!
Do you want it? Want some?
Boom Loud noises!
Do you need it? Need some?
Boom Loud noises!
Let me hear it I need a hearing aid now
Ladies and gentlemen Hoes, manwhores.
----------------------
Ladies and gentlemen good evening Hi again, people
You’ve seen that seeing is believing What you see is what you get
Your ears and your eyes will be bleeding Our show sucks so bad you'll be bleeding out
out of your orrifices
Please check to see if you’re still breathing Someone check that guy's vitals over there

Hold tight cause the show is not over Sorry folks, we're contracted to play for an hour and a half at least
If you will please move in closer You don't HAVE to hide in the very back
You're about to be bowled over Please don't block the exits - anyone got any
marijuana?
By the wonders you’re about to behold here You are about to witness some more crazy
stuff.

Welcome to the show (welcome to the show) Nice to see you, nice to see you!
Please come inside Get back in here, mang!
Ladies and gentlemen Females, males.

(Chorus) *

Welcome to the show (x2) Have we met you before? Have
we?
We're glad you came along (x2) Thanks for taking the time to see our shitty
band infect you with stupidity.
Please come inside Come inside this circus shitstorm of a live
show
Ladies and gentlemen Women, men.

(Chorus x4)
I'm actually upset that this song was green-lit. And to think how much money they're probably making on it. Record companies - you wonder why sales are at an all time low? Thank Saliva. Speaking of, I'm gonna go yak cuz I have food poisoning.

4 comments:

RIPHST said...

As a University student, I would have to say that after listening to this song, which I find quite catchy personally, I find myself to disagree with the previous comment left by the... clever?.. critic "jake". Primarily I would like to ask just how you broke down this song when all I can see by looking at the page is line after line of nonsensically rambling about a song you don't find appealing. If breaking down a song is simply complaining about why you don't like it, then maybe my upper level literary interpretation courses are a big waste of time and money, because complaining is not "breaking down" as far as I have been told.

Second of all, if you are going to be so effected by a song as to claim to become.. "... dumber just thinking about it". Well my friend I would offer only one piece of advice, and that is that you should really avoid violent movies and the grand theft auto series. You appear to be far to easily influenced by the entertainment industry to interact with the real world and I fear if you were to watch an action movie, well you may just pick up a fully automatic gas-operated assault rifle and start offing people in the street.

Personally, if I find a song I don't particularly care for, I don't listen to it. I disagree with a certain commercial that plays these days, but I turn it off when it comes on, not let it stupefy me into a blogging rage.

Repulsively yours,
-Z

Jake said...

Wow. Quite the response. I'm not sure what to say to be honest. I didn't even know that people outside my group of friends read this blog.
In reality, I was just spewing out words and phrases about a tune that currently irks me. So I guess you could say that I didn't 'break down' anything. And yes - that song does SUCK. I suppose it's just the fact that there is such little content in a song that gets the airplay that it currently does. As a college graduate, I would just like to think that record company marketers and moguls would be able to choose a more worthwhile single, but what do I know. I'm not in the music business.
Secondly, I believe the 'dumber just thinking about it' line is ah....shit, what do you call it? OH! Exaggeration. That's it. I've been too busy getting worked up in the chaos and gossip in the entertainment industry that I forget basic words/phrases.

Real world interaction? Seriously, don't even pretend to analyze me here. The blog may be my 'voice', but it mostly just serves as a silly, sarcastic escape. Come on now. Let's not play psychologist. Unless you're a psych major that has 'upper level literary interpretation courses'.

At any rate, thanks for taking the time to comment on the blog. Good luck during the rest of your University days. And lighten up a bit, maybe? (Yes, I realize that this is a contradiction to the blog post...) I'm not the rambling psycho that apparently I've portrayed myself to be. Read another post, perhaps you'll get a better grasp of my personality. Thanks again, Z.

J

RIPHST said...

HO HO. I see we do indeed see eye to eye here. Relax my friend. I simply enjoy digging in under the skin of the more serious bloggers who assume their word is that of the divine himself. You're not such a bad guy I see, little quick on the draw when it comes to the entertainment industry, but then again, who among us isn't? If they had any real brains in publishing, not a song country song would ever get past the lips of the rich honkies singing it.

Good guess to my major by the way, looks like you have some analytical skills yourself, and yes, I may be wasting my time with all those little old English classes, but hell, a minor in journalism is all just fun and games, especially with plans like mine.. Nothing to do with psychology of course.

I appreciate the advice, I have been a bit uptight these days, but like I said, it is always worth it to root out the casual blogger like yourself from the endless sea of men who live by the typed word. I am glad I found you to be as easy going as you are. If you have been like some people I know, well that last blog would have sent them over then edge and they would be sucking on a tail pipe as we speak.

Your contradiction is noted and well appreciated. We all just walking contradictions these days eh? Green day, theres a band I can respect.

Respectfully,
-Z

P.S. Touché my friend

Jake said...

Z-
Yeah. I definitely don't consider myself the divine speaker of the internet universe. But those who post like they know anything and everything and what is right vs. what is wrong crack me up. Ever wonder how they get that way? Parenting man, parenting!

Sorry I was a little quick on the defense - you probably don't need to settle down. College is fun enough as it is, and if you're getting out of your dorm/apt a couple times a week and doing the things you love, then keep it up. I miss that...

A couple of questions for you real quick. How did you stumble on my blog? Do you have a blog of your own I could read? Just curious. Let me know. Later.