Sunday, January 14, 2007

Bill Belichick is homeless

It's true.

In my opinion, as an NFL coach, your duty is to present yourself so. Bill Belichick looks like he spent 83 consecutive days in the gutter on a street corner somewhere in metro New Jersey. He looks disgusting. What kind of coach wears a raggedy 3/4 cut sleeve hooded sweatshirt to sport on the sidelines? Bill Belichick. I have a strong feeling that if you met the head Patriot face to face, he would smell like cheap Mr. Boston rum and Parliament cigarettes. Why Pars' - cuz they're cheap. Cheap like Bill Belichick. I'd go as far to say that he doesnt even own a suit. Even if he did... where would he put it? He's fuckin homeless, remember.

(Above) Members of the media wondering who the beggar by the microphone is.

Bill Belichick's sideline attire was the inspiration behind Mugatu's 'DERELICTE' clothing line in the recent movie ZOOLANDER. It's true - google that shit.

I'd really like to know how he thinks he can pull this off. Most NFL coaches wear the Team Nylon Jacket, the Huge puffy winter coat, or when its warm - usually the team polo. I don't even think Bill knows what the word 'polo' means. There's no excuse for not looking somewhat decent on the sidelines. I know it doesn't matter in the long run, cuz I'm sure the guy is a good coach. But, given his salary you'd think he'd be able to afford a few overcoats. According to reporter Eric McHugh of The Patriot Ledger:

"Maybe he wants more money. Last month, Forbes pegged Belichick’s average annual salary over his seven years with the Patriots at $2.8 million. According to the magazine’s calculations, that would put him below the $3 million-$4 million range of Tony Dungy, John Fox, Mike Shanahan, Bill Cowher, Parcells and Coughlin."

(Right) A still-hammered Belichick wanders to the next waterboy to ask for spare change.

MORE MONEY? You kidding me? All previously mentioned coaches at least look respectable on the sidelines. To the Pat's front office - I say HOLD OUT! Don't give him an extra dime till he starts looking like a dignified human being. Unfortunately for me, team owners pay coaches based on wins. And the Patriots have just beat the Chargers in San Diego.

You gotta wonder what HE thinks of his appearance. I'm guessing no one has ever brought this up to him face-to-face. And if someone did - he would probably respond with 'Who cares. I'm the coach'. Or 'They pay me to coach, not to dress nice.' Or the more likely response of 'Hey asshole, got a light?' Touche Bill, touche.

If you think I'm being too hard on Bill...go ahead and tell me. I can't think of another prime coach in ANY high status league that looks like a slob. Sure Andy Reid is fat - but at least he covers it up by wearing the team jacket. The NBA is currently in shambles, yet the coaches still look decent. I'd go as far as saying that Bill Belichick looks worse than the thug NBA gangsters did sporting their do-rags and chains before David Stern layed the hammer down.
I hate the Patriots. I hate Bill Belichick. And I'm not a fan of the homeless.

(Above) The Duke of disgusting takes a shower. (The most recent
one, documented February 7, 2005)


Kevin Reiser said...

Very true. He look like an idiot. Great Blog, 5 stars *****.

Cole said...

Simply hilarious.

wrx_girl said...

This is just flat-out one of the most honest (and hilarious) blogs I've ever read. Bravo.

Nick Comer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nick Comer said...

Fantastic commentary. We have long since wondered how the PATs continually manage to locate Belichick between games. They often dispatch search parties to rummage and search through the dark-back allies of Boston.

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