So I'm watching TV last night and decided to write about what I was seeing...
And the annoying cartoon character of the year goes to...
This pink haired bimbo annoys the shit out of me. What do life-threatening gigantic robots who cut down trees or play basketball (Space Jam, anyone?) have to do with car insurance? Maybe I'm the only one whos annoyed by all of the commercials because I'm interested in advertising, but the campaign is obnoxious. Does anyone want to sign up for on-the-go car insurance? Does anyone really want to apply for car insurance online? Really? The internet is for live sports play-by-play, downloading new music, checking email, and watching porn. Lots and lots of porn. Gallons of porn. Metric tons of porn. I digress...
You want a good insurance tv campaign? Watch any of the Geico or Aflac commercials. Because, you know, that's what America is all about. Talking animals trying to sell you insurance. Amen.
Continuing on the Tv theme. MTV continues to amaze me with the ADD bullshit they continue spoonfeeding the 11-24 demographic. Is age 11 too high? Do 6 year-olds watch MTV? Vh1 actually paved the way for a new MTV special. I'm talking about the recent "be the new sex object of a washed up celebrity" shows. Flavor of Love was cool because Flavor Flav was slightly influential in the 80s and has an infectious personality (and makes a kickass halloween costume). More recently was VH1's "win the heart of white trash rocker" Bret Michaels. Why. He spells his name with one T. ONE T!!! The only reason the show didn't completely suck 100% is because he actually ended up choosing the blatantly obvious sweet, sexy, smart girl. Incredible. He does have a few brain cells left after all the coke. Fast forward to the present, where the ridiculous show "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" is now on the air. What in the fuck. Approximately 6 years ago, I had some sort of odd attraction to Asians. I'm over it now. But all those years ago, an up & coming import car model name Tila Nguyen graced the wallpaper of my desktop. She was magical. Many moons later, she put modeling on the backburner to pursue a music career. She kinda sucked. Her stage name? Tila Tequila. That's the last I've heard of her...maybe 3 or 4 years ago. So I'm wasting away on the couch and "A shot at love with Tila Tequila" comes on. I was appauled at what I watched for an hour...yet...I...could not...turn....away. This "bisexual" airhead invites 16 girls & 16 guys (seperately) to 'get to know her' on the first night at her (MTV designed) house. The following is an actual scenario on the show. 16 girls are outside in various areas drinking & chatting. Tila walks around and greets some of them. Walks over to 2 girls (lesbians, mind you. But not butch lesbians - hot lesbians) sitting on a couch. No lie here - talks to just one of the girls - aaand starts making out with her after a minute. In Tila's little narration of the moment, she, and I quote:
"So I just dove in and made out with her right in front of whats-her-face." HAH! Remember in Flavor of Love when that one bitch took a dump on the carpet? This show will have scenes and moments that will surpass that. I have a hunch. Ambulances, catfights, brofights, 30 people sleeping in ONE gigantic bed...the list goes on. And that was just the series PREVIEW! Do yourself a favor and watch the show at least once. After that its up to you if you want your IQ to decrease more. One last note - why do contestants need to aqcuire, or hold on to some official ornament on these shows? For Flavor of Love, ladies had to vie for a clock. Bret Michaels - a VIP pass. For Tila's show, contestants must hold on to their 'key' necklace. Made me think of what I would give to the lucky ladies on my show. A few ideas: A junior bacon cheeseburger from Wendys (fresh & hot of course), a remote control with dead batteries, the Pulp Fiction soundtrack, or a sack of Yukon gold potatoes, perhaps. Any other suggestions would be much appreciated.
Still with me? Great, because I saved the best for last. NBC has just proven to me that TV is NOT dead. In a message from God himself, and approved by Chuck Norris, NBC has decided to bring back American Gladiators. This show was singlehandedly my absolute favorite program as a youth growing up. Forget Talespin, Land of the Lost, or Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers. American Gladiators was where it was at. I am so excited NBC is bringing back this show that I JUST fell out of my computer chair. Who will the new steroid-induced American Gladiators be? Will Larry Michaels still be the trusted Referee? Will Nitro still be an asshole? Even better - HULK HOGAN IS THE HOST. Hulk Hogan, people. Get excited. Will Brooke Hogan be the sideline reporter? Probably not. A man can dream though, right?
16) Blindspott- Yours Truly
15) Opshop - Maybe
14) Spoon - The Underdog
13) Cold War Kids - Hang me out to dry
12) Dead Kennedys - Holiday in Cambodia
11) The Coasters - Down in Mexico
10) The Cars - Moving in Stereo
9) Exies - Different than You
8) Brother Cane - The Road
7) Iron & Wine - Wolves (Song of the Shepherds Dog)
6) Test your Reflex - Pieces of the Sun
5) The Black Keys - When the Lights go Out
4) Atreyu - Becoming the Bull
3) Sixx:A.M. - Life is Beautiful
2) Samuel L. Jackson - Stack-O-Lee
1) Sea Wolf - You're a Wolf
Big gulps, eh? Welp, see ya later!