Post Oscar thoughts, weekend fun, and random thoughts...

The Academy Awards were last Sunday night. Unfortunately for me, I slept through half of it. A much needed nap was in order from the debauchery from the wedding weekend. More on that later. Anyways as I was watching the show, which, I thought was VERY entertaining, I decided to jot down a few notes and thoughts at what I was viewing. Here we go...

• Penelope Cruz could tell me to go Fuck Off and it would still be the most beautiful sounding thing in the entire world. I would listen to that woman learn to speak German. Truth.

• How cool was Jerry Seinfeld's movie theater bit? "We have an agreement. You rip me off by making me spend money on things I don't need. Then, after the movie, whatever I have in my hand - I let go of..." Or something of the sort. Desperately trying to find a video of it online. So far no dice.

• What the heck is Pan's Labyrinth? Some crazy Mexican director makes an adult horror fairy tale and wins some Oscars for it? I don't do drugs, but something tells me that I'm gonna want to before I see this movie.

• How awkward was it on stage when Clint Eastwood read the translations of (Italian, I think?) movie scorer Ennio Morricone? Clint seemed as if he had one too many drinks and blamed his inability to read a teleprompter to him 'forgetting his glasses'. It's ok Clint - you're getting old. Don't blame it on the lack of bifocals.

• Jack Nicholson is bald. Righteous.

• Toby McGuire - you're a skinny bitch. Kirsten Dunst - you're still not hot.

• That movie silhouette thing was really cool. I want to date a contortionist. And it's exactly the reason you'd think that I would want to date a contortionist for.

• Why is Chris Connely a respected journalist? What has he done? He narrates MTV's True Life. He has guest spots on ESPN sometimes. How the heck did he get where he is today? I might have to wiki that one later.

• Ok. So the category for 'best original song' contained 3 tunes from Dreamgirls. Beyonce and the 2 other hussies performed RIGHT before they read the winner. Dreamgirls had 3 out of the 5 songs nominated for the category. Who ends up winnin? Activist Mel Etheridge for a song in Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth. Funny.

• Those 'in memory of' tributes always get me. They flash pics and scenes of people in the film industry who passed recently. Just wanted to point out that the dad in 'A Christmas Story' died. They showed the scene where he's so proud of his Leg Lamp. I was sad.

• Phillip Seymour Hoffman looked like a hobo. Did you see his hair? I would fire my publicist...or whoever was in charge of my general look that night. His hair was the best joke of the night.

• Francis Ford Coppola, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Martin Scorcese on stage at the same time was cool.

• Ben Affleck: No one likes you. Who invited you to the Oscars?

• Ellen Degeneres is funny. I apologize for not liking you a couple years ago. I like you now.

K thats that. Saturday the 24th was the Nisler/Neevel wedding. Holy fun. It was nice to go to a wedding where people actually DANCED. I don't remember the last one I went to where almost 75% of the people in attendance got up & cut a rug. That was great to see. By the grace of God everyone got back to the hotel ok that nite. When you're up north in Wisconsin and theres foot high snow drifts. . .it's a bit scary.

How about some random thoughts of the past week? Sure! First thing's first - theres no way P Diddy uses Pro-Active. I'm gonna coin the phrase "Blackne" for african americans who suffer from acne. Use it...pass it on. But back to puffy. I can't see the man waking up in the morning and splashing a little Pro-Active Solution on his cheeks. The man is a millionaire. Did he really need to do the commercials? I'm interested in how much he got paid. All I know is that when his daughter becomes a teenager, she'll have a lifetime supply waiting for her. Too bad Puffy won't remember which closet he put it in.

Speaking of teenagers, how long will the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles be teenagers? They were in the teens when I was but a wee lad. Shouldn't they be twentysomething mutant ninja turtles by now? The anagram can still work: TMNT. See? I'd like to see office dwelling business setting turtles by day, crime fighters by night. I think thats doable. Shredder would be at an accounting firm. That's why he's so angry all the time.

Lastly, a food service story from Friday the 23rd. I'm working the lunch shift at the Randall, and am taking a table's order. A woman in her 30's looks up and asks me, "Does your Caesar dressing contain anchovies?" Let me tell you that I have no idea what the answer is. I thought the question was ridiculous, and simply said, "No. I don't believe so,"and thought nothing of it. I have our Caesar salad all the time actually. It's magnificent with blackened chicken on top of it. 10 minutes go by, and I get buzzed for the order. Grabbed the woman's caesar salad along with her 3 other business partner's dishes. As I go to the pickup window, I nonchalantly ask our cook, "Our caesar dressing doesn't contain anchovies, does it?" He looked at me, and laughed. "Jake", he started, "all Caesar dressings contain anchovies." Naturally I started laughing cuz I thought he was messing with me. "Seriously. It does." I was dumbfounded, really. I go back out to the dining room and inform the lady that, in fact, our caesar dressing DOES contain anchovies. "Oh", she goes, "thats gonna be a problem. I'm highly allergic to shellfish, so that's not gonna work." And that's the climactic ending to that anecdote. Caesar dressing contains anchovies. I've never had an anchovie, or his cousin, the Sardine. But, next time you have a caesar salad, and you get that hint of saltiness - that'd be the anchovie. Great in dressings, probably bad by itself. You learn something new every day folks.

Stay tuned for a 'What happened to the surviving members of TLC' blog in the future.