Event #2: Omaha, NE

Event #2: Omaha, NE
June 3rd - June 8th, 2009. The Taste of Omaha.

Day 1 - The Drive, Wednesday June 3rd.
Left the compound at 5pm with a few new faces. 5 of us this time. Beautiful new rig as well - a 7.3 liter diesel Ford F-350. Money. Well, actually used, but its a lot safer and nicer. The engine and exhaust aren't crying for mercy when I step on the gas.
So Iowa smells like shit. Surprise, surprise. And its not even hot at this point. The roads are long, and the roads are boring. 80W is terrible. One of the roads was titled 'Tait Cummins' somethin. That's one N and one G away from awesomeness. Think about it. Also passed a town called 'What Cheer'. Seriously - that's the name of the town. Residents of What Cheer - where is the punctuation? Another thing - there is a shit-ton of windmills. Lotta power windin thru that countryside. The green revolution is heeeeere!

What I wrote down for my next point was 'Check engine light on? Push through!' Unbeknownst to us, there was something seriously wrong with our new truck. We were about 250+ miles outside of Omaha, and something just . . . didn't feel right with the vehicle. I couldn't quite figure it out, but I literally said out loud to Kevin, who was sitting shotgun, "Something's wrong here". After doing....well, nothing about it for a minute or two, I said "guess not then" and continued going 75 miles per hour down the road. Literally 3 hours later, as we slowed down off the exit ramp to our hotel - it was painfully clear. As I turned the wheel, I found it increasingly difficult to make said turn.

There was ZERO power steering fluid.

Yeah. For more than 250 miles, I was captaining a 7000+ pound mechanical bull 75 miles an hour down the highway. Through construction, at 2 in the morning. I was so pissed. Pissed doesn't even describe my frustration, but as it was 2:30 in the am, I slept it off and just thanked god that we were all still alive.

Thurs. June 3rd, 2009
8am came early. That'll happen when you go to bed at 2:30. Kevin went to an auto parts store while I was slumbering to grab some brake fluid. Swell guy. Too bad it leaked all over the Riverfront walkway where we were situated for the Taste of Omaha. And I mean ALL over. Someone is gonna be piiiiiiiissed. View of the Missouri river is awesome. Location couldn't be better. Waited till 2pm for the electricians to flip a damn switch so we could get outta there. 4 hours of nothing. We seriously waited for 4 hours. We could have gotten the truck fixed, but...naaah.
We DID stop at the Crescent Moon pub in downtown Omaha after we got a shuttle back to our hotel. We had to drive our broken ass truck 10 miles to the Iowa Nebraska border to a 'certified' Ford dealership to repair it. Anyways - the Crescent Moon. Again, I consulted my favorite issue of Draft Magazine which features the best beer bars in America. Thus, a stop at this amazing drinking establishment was in order. We had eaten nothing all day, so we were very hungry and of course parched. Great place with terrible service. Had an Old Stock Rasputin Stout (8.7 rating). Followed close behind by a Nefarious Ten Pin Imperial Porter from Colorado (9.1) Finished with the always smooth, slightly hoppy Goose Island Matilda.

Now let me tell you a little story about a guy named Rich. Rich is a retired car salesman who works at McMullen Ford in Council Bluffs, Iowa as a shuttle driver. Since Ford is in the shitter, they no longer offer loaner vehicles. So Rich ended up being our chauffeur twice on this fateful day. Rich first dropped us off at our hotel when we decided not to wait for the truck to get fixed. He said he would call us when the truck was finished. That's when we decided to head to the Crescent Moon. An hour later - they called to confirm that the truck was done. We told Rich to meet us at our hotel. Yeah...so we didn't go there. We continued to drink, which was a slight asshole move. Then, Rich did something I never thought possible. He sent Kevin a message that he was at our hotel waiting for us. VIA TEXT MESSAGE. Rich, a 70 year old leathery individual, TEXTED us. I dont know - if you don't think that's amazing - go visit another blog. Rich then took us on a tour of the 'happenin' spots downtown' where all the 'young college girls hang out'. Much appreciated Rich. Also - he told us stories about how he met Carrol Shelby - a badass car manufacturer, racer, and enthusiast. He was an awesome guy - one that you'd have to meet in real life to grasp his coolness.

We still had plenty of daylight to spare when we left for Seymour Park around 5:30. After an entire day of waiting for other people, it was time to do a little disc golfing. We bought our case of high life and headed to the park, where unfortunately, it was league night. Pulled up to a full (and I mean FULL) parking lot of eager frolfers. We didn't really get to play the whole course, as there were up to 20 people waiting to tee off at some holes. During our play though, we had the pleasure of meeting Daisy the Duck. A domesticated duck that was the pet for a happy couple in their 30's. It followed them around and quacked. Seriously. It's wings were clipped so it couldn't fly away. I'm not sure what the point of having a duck for a pet is, but they had one. It was very, very wierd to see. After frolfin around, we headed back to the hotel to shower. Took a trip to 'Old Market Town' (where Rich had taken us) to Upstream Brewery. (Yeah, I AM obsessed with breweries, and i'm OK with that). I had a lemon ginger saison and a Hawaiian blue something or other saison as well. They were both mediocre.

Fri. June 4th, 2009
So perhaps I had too much to drink last night. Throughout the day yesterday, Twilight was the topic. Dana, a nice young lady of 22 years who was with us for the event, had brought the dvd with her. It was, for some reason, a hot topic. I felt it necessary to watch it after we got home for the night. It was terrible. Sorry, I just don't get the hype. The main actor looks like he auditioned for the 2nd (or 3rd?) Powder movie, and the girl - although strangely sexy - could be the worst actress in history. And what an anti-climactic ending? My god.
So - Palermo's - our first day of the event. We were up & running by 11am. Which was very interesting because they didnt SELL TICKETS FOR THE EVENT UNTIL 5PM. You read right. All vendors had to be set up and in operation at 11 am. The ticket booth for the event didnt open on the grounds until 5. What another complete waste of time. Amateurs. And it wasn't a 'cash' event. Fairgoers bought 'tickets' to get whatever they wanted from vendors at pre-determined 'prices'. Highlights included a sweet pedestrian bridge to the south...McKennas Blues, Brews, and BBQ of Omaha, and the guy with the coolest Star Wars tattoos EVER. After a very long 11 hour day, we made a Wal-Mart run to get necessary things. Fun fact of Omaha: Liquor & Beer sales extend until 1am. Super. We grabbed a 6'er of Boulevard Brewery (from KC, MO) & indulged. Can't get it in WI, so it tasted even better for that reason alone. Boulevard Wheat - cloudy goodness. Beeroseur rating of 8.7.

Sat. June 5th, 2009
Busy day. Walked around the fairgrounds - it was very large. Got a mullet at Ashley Lynns Barber 10 blocks away. Really! The Asian hairstylist, who owned the place, was not very ecstatic about doing the cut. 'ohhhh riry? i haven done that in 20 year!' Yes, I am being slightly racist here, but how else am I supposed to convey her broken English? Exactly. I went with a 3 guard on the sides, so it's not truly visibly obvious. But dammit, it's a mullet. So through my years, I've had a rat tail, bowl cut, shaved my head, and gone with the shag. I'm wondering when I'll sport the actual mohawk. Other than the mullet today, the day was pretty standard. Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions are proving to be popular. Nate and I do pretty well with them. We are next to the main stage on the riverfront walkway, which is good and bad. The main music stage is no more than two hundred feet away from our pizza capsule. "The Diamonds", tonights main performance, sucked balls. Thank the lord we have the iPod player in the trailer. The Diamonds looked like cheap assholes playing 50's music around a game of Poker. No thanks. Highlight of the day was this absolutely hammered chick who approached us. Quite inchorent, but hilarious. Continually asked us to go down her shirt to clean up some pizza, which was hilarious. Said that 'hitting on boys was gay', and that 'her boyfriend doesn't care that she flirts with guys, because she gets free shit and gives it to him'. We then went to the Dundee Dell, a downtown Omaha bar after we got ready for a nite on the town. So remember how I said that it was cool that Omaha had beer & liquor sales until 1? Yeah, bar time is 1am too. So when we got to the bar, and 12:30 rolled around and some gibberish was yelled into the mic, we thought nothing of it. Of course they were saying that it was last call. I oredered a St. Bernadus Triple at 12:50am. This asshole of a bartender literally STOOD OVER our table and WAITED for us to 'drink' our beers. By drink, he basically said chug. Keep in mind that this bar has a collection of gorgeous, somewhat expensive imported beers. YOU DONT CHUG THEM. What an asshole of a staff. Takes a lot for me to say that as well, especially since I'm in the service industry. Unbelievable.

Sun. June 6th, 2009
Pretty boring day. Bob Seger tribute band was rockin from 6-8pm though. Clutch. Since it was Sunday, Taste only lasted from 11am-8pm, so it was a slightly easier day. Nebraska observation: eeeeeeveryone here is pregnant. everyone. So many preggos. One of them wore a tshirt that read 'I'm not fat, I'm knocked up!' I laughed. Huge shoutout to McKennas of Omaha. Absolutely amazing BBQ chicken & pork sandwhiches. Also amazing garlic American potato salad. And I don't even LIKE potato salad. Bartering is good. Free pizza for free bbq. Any day. Today as marked the 3rd impression of the weekend. Boris Milosch. Right now its a perfect Czech/Slovack/Kazakh mesh. I highly doubt I'll be able to replicate this perfection again. "Eastern European Jizzzzzz". LOL. Had Red Lobster for dinner, which was a first. Blackened Tilapia & 2 margaritas. Becky was our server. It's currently midnight here and the 5 are playing asshole. Drinking Milwaukee made Miller Lite and non Milwaukee made Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat. 2 radio remotes tomorrow followed by a round of disc golf.

Mon. June 8th, 2009
The big black lady who calls everyone 'sweetheart' that works at the Best Western made us waffles in the morning. 2 radio remotes today, 94.1 & 104.5. Local grocery stores known as Hy-Vee carried the stuff. Girl who worked 94.1 was smoking hot. Left at 4:30pm with 9 slices in my belly. The fire roasted ham & pineapple primo thin and grilled chicken caesar pizza are my kryptonite. My god.

Next post = wrapup & pictures.

A Few pictures of the Pizza Beast

5/22/09

More pictures to come when I take some that are worthwhile. Click for Hi-res versions.

Event #1 - Minneapolis, MN

Event #1 - Minneapolis, MN
Memorial Day weekend, 5/22 - 5/25, Twins vs. Brewers series.

And so the journey begins. The sole goal - to generate interest in the Pal ermos pizza company, one town at a time. The Yukon Denali is not meant to tow our pizza trailer. That's pretty clear. 7 miles per gallon. Yes please. We stopped at a gas station outside of Baraboo around 7pm. On a diaper changing station in a scary, dimly-lit mens bathroom read "Cleveland Police Chief Mike McGrath slobs the big knob". You taught him, law-abiding citizen! We've been on the road for 3 hours, and we aren't even to the Dells yet. Traffic is terrible due to it being Memorial Day weekend.

9:00pm - to Eau Claire. Lots of miles to go, but we're not stopping. Dinner can wait. In other news - Head East's "Never Been any Reason" just came on the radio. Kev says they're from WI. I don't believe him. We shall see upon further research. (Further research - they're from Champaign, Illinois. HA!) In other news, we are killing this poor Yukon's engine. The oil pressure gauge is buried PAST the maximum point notch. We discuss how 'incognito' is a great word. What's the word origin? May I have it in a sentence please?

We arrived at our Holiday Inn Express at 10:00pm. Immediately headed over to Ray J's, an American Pub/Grill that served actual chicken wings. AND they had Fat Tire on tap. WTF? I asked the barkeep how long they've had it. 2.5 years. Apparently the twin cities was the testing point for New Belgium Brewing to see if it would be worth distributing to the midwest. So, thanks MN for being awesome at drinking beer, thus allowing WI to carry it.
A round of disc golf was in order early Saturday morning. After circling Cottage Grove (Minnesota, not Wisconsin...) for 20 minutes, we finally found it. Course was good, but quite dirty. Garbage, litter, and BROKEN GLASS everywhere. Oakwood park disc golfers / hippies - clean your shit up. Seriously. Get your acts together, or you'll get the axe.

Our Saturday pre-game event was successful. A little fuss was had about the fact we were using a generator for electricity. But no matter - as a band drowned the noise out considerably. I can't remember the name of the band, but they seemed to enjoy the free pizza I gave them during their set. 108 total pizzas were made, rounding out to 864 slices given away. I'm guessing that's a lot of satisfaction. The best part came after we packed up, as the Minneapolis Town Hall Brewery was a few blocks east. Sat out on the patio and enjoyed the food and beverages. God I love that place.
Sunday morning started off nicely with a round of disc golf at Acorn Park in Rosedale, MN. 2 of the holes actually had swampy wetlands, somewhat difficult to navigate. San Jovi, a dear old Madison friend of mine joined us on the excursion as well. Witnessed a dude hit an impossible, blind, uphill shot through a 5 ft window between 2 trees. It was absolutely incredible. Hope his girlfriend, whom he was shooting with, was also impressed. I hope he got laid because of it. I hope their children are future disc golf professionals. Onward...
Sundays event was also smooth sailing. MN people are nice. This wasn't surprising to me, but welcomed. Yelling "free pizza!" got old, but at least they formed their own line. Way to go, Twins kids! After a short clean-up process, we got our free tickets to the game. So we stayed for a few innings of shitty Brewer interleague play. Did get to see the Mike Cameron jack, followed by an even more impressive Joe Crede bomb. Equal amounts of fans from both squads were in attendance. Even though it was on ESPN Sunday night baseball, it was lame. The Metrodome sucks. Still. I imagine even the Twins fans hate it there. How much would it suck to be a season ticket holder? No thanks. Shitrodome. Abortodome. Whatever. I felt like a plastic toy prize smashed in the bottom of a crack jack box. People jammed so close together that strangers leg hairs get braided with yours by the end of the game. They even have a large counter that read '56' - as in 56 more home games in this shithole before they get their new stadium. If you can't guess by now - we didn't stay long. But, uh, thanks for the tickets!

We hooked up the trailer at some point around the 5th inning, and drove it back to the hotel. A quick shower was had, as we were going to go out in St. Paul to 2 bars that I had read about. First stop - The Muddy Pig. Shout out to bartender/manager Thea - you were awesome. Food was awesome as well, but not as awesome as the tap list. Good god. Drank a Southern Tier Iniquity (Beeroseur rating: 9.0) Also tried a Wikap Pater Dubbel (8.1). Your typical beer flags/signs/tins adorned the establishment, along with a ton of ceramic/plastic/plush pigs. Awkward name for a bar, but it was the shit. (If you ever are in St. Paul, go to this place). 2 blocks away was The Happy Gnome, the second bar on the list. In between though, were newly layed sidewalk squares/cobblestones that Kev was furious at, for some reason. It was hilarious, guess you had to be there. Also had a large tap list, but wasn't as inviting as the Muddy Pig. Service was kinda terrible as well. And I know a little bit about customer service. Sunday funday (fun-night?) in St. Paul also showed us a magnificent view of the lighted capital building. Whilst at the Gnome I had Surly Brewing Bender, a local brewery's version of a coffee porter (8.6) Also tested Surly Furious - a ridiculous hop inflused brew. Also bought a few taster glasses from there.

So the above is what I had written down in the car from the adventure. Hopefully something more exciting will happen next week while I'm in Omaha. I'm planning on getting a mullet, more disc golf, and new bars. Stay tuned.

You Should Know

. . . That Tepid Epics is also a guest author for the blogsite 'Sheffieldshouse'. It's a startup sports minded blog that some friends of mine created. Look for future posts there from me.

http://www.sheffieldshouse.com

Sheffieldshouse is also on Twitter. Follow us until we call the cops on you for stalking/indecent exposure.

http://twitter.com/sheffieldshouse

What has Rider Strong been up to?

You remember Rider Strong, the lonesome badass kid with the terrible 90's parted hair on Boy Meets World?

Well, it seems that life is looking up for Rider, as he has grown up now and is pitching for the Philadelphia Phillies. Congrats kid, you've made it!

This comparison comes on the heels of the new ESPN the Magazine commercial (which is absolutely terrible - buy a magazine - get a fleece. Holy shit!), which stars Cole Hamels along with Chad 'Old News' Cinco and Jameer Nelson. Originally, the roommate and I said he looked like the older Matthews' kid on Boy Meets World - played by Andrew Lawrence. Upon seeing a cast photo, clearly he IS Rider Strong. Watch ESPN enough and you'll see the awful athlete roundtable restaurant commercial. It's laughable.

And for the record, Danielle Fishel is smokin hot. Further proof that I don't just gravitate towards skinny chicks...Miss you, Topanga!

My Summer as a Carney

So some more changes will be coming to Tepid Epics, surprise surprise.

I've taken a summer position as a 'special events representative' for Milwaukee's own Palermo's Pizza company. It's going to keep me very busy, as most of these 'events' will take place on the weekends throughout the midwest. A high school friend's husband and I will be driving a Yukon Denali with a 22 foot long by 11 and a half foot tall 'pizza trailer' - complete with awesome vinyl graphics, pop-out awning, and a large oven already inside.

Locations for the 'Summer Pizza Tour 09' include Omaha, Minneapolis, Madison, Kansas City, Des Moines and a few others. Equipped with a gas card, corporate credit card, and hotel accomodations, I'll be serving the shit out of Americans. State fairs, air shows, and 'Taste of (insert city here)' will be the main points of sampling for the Summer.

So what once was just a Wisconsin-only jewel is now becoming an awesome frozen pizza company about to dominate the midwest. The Summer pizza tour is a way for Palermos to grab yet another share of the market segment. Goin to the people. Givin em free pizza. Lovin life. Or something like that.

My restaurant manager looked at my summer calendar for Palermos and said, "Soo, are you a Carney then?" I laughed. But then I thought about it. I think I might be. The marketing president has asked me to blog about our travels and the people and places we come in contact with. I'll also be on Twitter, which i'm not too stoked about. The main subject of Tepid Epics in the upcoming weeks will be to 'tell the real story' about the path to Palermo's glory. When I'm not working, I'll be disc golfing, drinking at foreign bars, and participating in other random shenanigans whenever necessary. I'll post the blogsite and Twitter username when they become available later this month.

I hope you'll still follow me on this crazy upcoming summer journey. Posts will be made whenever I have the ample amount of time to do so. It has the potential to yield some great stories. Only time will tell.

Till then, stay classy...

The Beeroseur: May (The Arrival of New Belgium Brewing!)

New Belgium Brewing Products are here!!!

All that really needs to be said about this regional event is well-written by beeradvocate.com's founder Jason here.

The Fort Collins, Colorado brewery is known for it's superb amber beer, Fat Tire. Of course, when Three Cellars received its shipment the other day, I sped my way over to buy all 3 22oz. varieties.

New Belgium Fat Tire
From the bottle: Fat Tire Amber Ale's appeal is in its feat of balance: toasty, biscuit-like malt flavors coasting in equilibrium with hoppy freshness. Named in honor of Jeff's mountain bike trip from brewery to brewery through Europe. Fat Tire is still crafted following the original home brew recipe that Jeff brainstormed on this cycling trip.
Alc/Vol: 5.2%
Just a great overall amber. Well balanced, smooth, and tiptoes the line between malty and hoppy flavors. First seen in the basement of my old house because my dad enjoyed it as well. First tasted during college, when (somehow), the grand opening of Fat Jack's in Whitewater, WI had a single 1/2 barrel on tap, after venturing out to CO to get one. Besides being 22oz., another awesome factor of this beer is the label - a small stamp commemorates that Fat Tire is 'Now legally cruising into America's Dairyland'. What took you so long, New Belgium Brewing?
9.1/10

New Belgium 1554
From the bottle:
Alc/Vol:
A highly complex brew. It's old world, malty feel has me slightly puzzled. It's hard to put your tongue on exactly what you're tasting. Regardless, I'm extremely happy the New Belgium Boys 'followed their folly' (sidenote - as an advertising guy at heart - this tagline, themeline, whathaveyou - is slightly awkward. That's another story...) and created this brew. Dark copper brown in color with an off-tan, creamy head. This 'enlightened' ale certainly enlightened my tastebuds.
9.0/10

New Belgium Mothership Wit
From the bottle:
Alc/Vol:
Ah yes - going 'green' and 'organic' is the way to go nowadays. People aiming to reduce their 'carbon footprint' and whatever else conservationists are aiming to do nowadays have a beer for their cause as well. Mothership Wit is, actually, the first organic brew I've tried. And, I was pleasantly surprised. White head stayed around the rim of the glass to chat, much longer than I had anticipated it would. Barely golden in color, Mothership Wit has a weak look to it, but has enough taste to keep the drinker intrigued. Personally, I would choose a different wheat next time, but would buy/try again if the option was out there.
7.9/10

(from right to left: Fat Tire, Mothership Wit, and 1554)
Beer tastes better when it's housed in 22oz bottles! ;)

May Tunes

BAM! IN YO FACE!

11) Bikini - I remember being young

10) Kid Cudi ft. Wale - Is There Any Love?

9) Sebastien Tellier - Kilometer (A-Trak Main Mix)

8) Wolfmother - Vagabond

7) Wale - The Freestyle (Roc Boys) ((From 'The Mixtape about Nothing))

6) Santogold - Lights Out (David Rubato Remix)

(yes, that is the original video, not the remix)

5) Izza Kizza - Connect the Dots ft. Colin Munroe

4) Dj Class ft. Kanye West & Estelle - I'm the Shit

3) Clipse - Numb it Down ((From their 'Road to till the casket drops' mixtape))

2) Friendly Fires - Skeleton Boy ((Looooove this))

1) Clipse ft. Kanye West - Kinda Like a Big Deal

Yeeeeeah. More posts to follow shortly. We gots alots to discuss.

Fresh Kicks

So Fresh & So Clean Clean. Yum. Thanks Footaction.

(click for way-too-big hi-res versions)

April Tunes

For your viewing pleasure...

11) Chiddy Bang - Kids (Ft. MGMT)

10) Thunderheist - Jerk It (sweet video, kinda)

thunderheist - jerk it from thatgo on Vimeo.

9) Royksopp - Happy Up Here

8) Chromeo - Call Me Up (Bag Raiders Remix)

7) Ciara - Love Sex Magic (Chew Fu Small Room Fix)

6) True Pseudo - Freaking Me Out

5) Lykke Li - Little Bit (Villains Remix) *clearly not the official video...lame...only thing i found on sucktube...

4) Huey Lewis & the News - Heart and Soul *hahah this video is so clutch, seriously

3) White Lies - To Lose My Life

2) White Lies - Death

1) White Lies - Price of Love

The Beeroseur: April

April is halfway gone already, and I haven't put up anything worthwhile yet. Well, how about a post on HOMEMADE (kind of) Beer? Awww shit.

As I had said before, my brother got me a great Christmas present of an at-home Beer making kit. From Bed, Bath, and Beyond of all places (does this mean it came from the 'beyond' section? Remember that mediocre movie 'Click'? God, Kate Beckinsale is so hot. Alas...) Well, after the 4 gallon plastic mini keg sat in a closet for a month, and then the fridge for another month, it was ready to consume. Just follow simple directions of boiling sugar in water, adding the goupy malt mix, and feeding the yeast at the proper time - and sho nuff, I had beer.

From the Label: Meh, too much to write.

Style: Well, the goupy can of 'malt' said Canadian Draught. Why can't they just call it Canadian Draft? It sounds like 'Draft' when you say it...

I am mixing sugar into boiling water. It's beertastic.

Alc/Vol: Unknown

The 3.5 gallon plastic 'Mr. Beer' Keg.
Rating: 7.5

Yet another reason I'm salivating over Summer...

Zach Galifiniakis is my favorite. Favorite. If you didn't know, now you do...

I never watched ER, but...

this list, found over at InGameNow, has made me think about that decision...

the 20 Hottest Doctors and Nurses in ER History

Thandie Newton, Maria Bello, Maura Tierney. Yes please.

GIVE THIS GUY 30 CC's of Love Potion Number 9, STAT! CHARGING PADDLES! CLEAR!

"Look out young lady, look out young lady...!"

Via FanIQ & Awful Announcing...

"Brewers Fan Saves Hot Girl From Certain Death"



Realistically, the video title should be: "Unfortunately, semi-athletic Brewers Fan saves Jersey Chasing "Baseball is Boring" suntanning whore from imminent concussion".

Too bad. Think of the possibilities if he had tripped prior to making that catch. Oh, what could have been...

The Beeroseur: March

March was a busy month for beer drinking. Let's get right into it.

The Winners:
















Tyranena 'The Devil Made Me Do It' Coffee Imperial Porter
From the Bottle: A Big Ol' Black Beer with oatmeal silkiness. Full-Bodied with soothingly rich coffee flavors. Devilishly Delicious.
Alc/Vol: Unknown
Usually oatmeal is an ingredient used in stouts, but Tyranena's Brewers Gone Wild!(A serious of Big, bold, ballsy beers) decided to make an Imperial Porter with it. And the 'from the bottle' description is exactly what I'd say about it. Brewery is located in Lake Mills, just a few clicks west of Mil-town. I will be visiting this brewery soon. Great beer.
8.6/10

Bell's Special Double Cream Stout
From the Bottle: Brewed with a blend of 10 different malts, Double Cream is an incredibly rich stout composed of dark, sweet, and smooth tones intermingled with a soft, roasty finish.
Alc/Vol: 6.1%
Michigan's Bell's Brewery is one of the best in the Midwest. Their Oberon wheat is a staple in many bars even in our area. This double cream stout did not dissappoint. Superb body and aroma. It was hard to find, but if I see it again, you can guarantee I'll pick it up again.
8.5/10

Furthermore Brewing Thermo Re-Fur
From the Bottle: Ale made with red beets and black pepper. Serve in a sinfter or wine glass at 55 degrees fahrenheit.
Alc/Vol: Unknown
Now, this is not the type of beer I usually go for. I don't like fruit beers. I don't like fruit-wheat blends, and I don't prefer lambics. But this brew was honestly the most awkward beer I've ever had the pleasure of tasting. Thermo Re-Fur has a medium body, and the soft fruity nose it has compliments it nicely. Black pepper sediments settle at the bottom, almost demanding you take your time to actually savor this beers amazing flavors. Found at Three Cellars (7133 S 76th St Franklin, WI 53132 - (414) 235-3336. I get most of my awkward beers here. A must visit if you're anywhere in Southern Wisco). Brewed in Black River Falls, WI. CAN YOU SAY ROAD TRIP? I can, and I just did. Highly recommended. Thought I would hate it, but the outcome was quite the opposite.
9.6/10


The Losers:



















Left Hand Brewing Company Black Jack Porter
From the Bottle: N/A
Alc/Vol: Unknown
A tasteless porter brewed for the masses. No body, no head, not much nose. As good as their milk stout is, this Black Jack Porter really turned me off. Overall just a boring, bland beer. Don't waste your money.
5.0/10

South Shore Brewery Rhoades' Scholar Stout
From the Bottle: Northern Wisconsin's First Microbrewery Established May, 1995
Alc/ Vol: Unknown
So I poured this stout into my 'beer glass'...and there was ABSOLUTELY no head. None. Whatsoever. How is this even possible? Crap. A poor effort from a brewery that I (did?) badly want(ed) to visit. Straight up boring.
4.9/10


Avery Brewing Co Mephistopheles Stout
From the Bottle: Mephistopheles is the crafty shapeshifter, the second fallen angel; he who does not love light. Herein he patiently lies, waiting and willing to do your bidding, but for a price. Enter into his darkness, a tangled and intricate labyrinth of bittersweet rapture. Brewed with rocky mountain water, malted barley, turbinado sugar, hops and yeast.
Alc/ Vol: 15.92%
That is not a typo. Your eyes do not deceive you. 15.92%. In a 12 oz bottle of destruction. Devil's liquid to say the least. Incredible packaging design as well. Mephistopheles Stout is the final installment of Avery Brewing Co.'s (Colorado) "Demons of Ale" series. (Click here for more info) From the website: Mephistopheles is the crafty shape shifter, the second fallen angel. Amazingly complex, coal black, velvety and liqueurish, this demon has a bouquet of vine-ripened grapes, anise and chocolate covered cherries with flavors of rum-soaked caramelized dark fruits and a double espresso finish. IBU's 107. Sure, that sounds like it might be ok. WRONG. I was so excited to try a beer that had a 15.92% ABV, but all I found was disappointment. As I sipped away, I actually thought, "This brew is literally burning my throat." At $8 a bottle (12oz), I was really hoping I'd enjoy it. Avery is one of the best in the west, but I was choking it down (literally) rather than enjoying it. The beer was remarkably thick. Looked more like Jagermeister than a stout - seriously. So I let it warm up a bit for a few minutes - still terrible. This ale is only for the truly adventurous beer drinker. I couldn't do it.
4.4/10


And there you have it. Next month, is a review of my first HOMEBREW!!! My brother is a smart man who bought me a small 3 gallon beer kit from Bed Bath & Beyond or something. Canadian Draft was the lager made, so that will be reviewed next month. Also went to Sendiks yesterday, where I FINALLY FOUND one of my favorite beers of all time: Atwater Block (Detroit, MI)'s Vanilla Java Porter. Till then,

Cheers!

New Favorite Band Alert!

Oh My. The name of the band is White Lies. A British indie-rock outfit, formerly known as Fear of Flying. Apparently they've been big in England for awhile, but I'm just getting around to hearing them now. And I am impressed. The musical blogosphere has also praised them for some time now too. I think of them as...Echo & the Bunnymen meet The Killers in the basement of a club that Interpol controls the guest list for. Make sense?

White Lies Wikipedia Page

Blog search of 'White Lies' on HypeM.com

Myspace Page

Thank me later, fellow Americans

Tepid Epics, Everywhere

Everywhere being Madison...



















Glorious sunset, Lake Monona & Madison 'Skyline'

Pet Peeves in the World of Serving.

As of now, my profession is serving. It's clearly less than glamorous. I've been in the industry on & off for about 3 years now. For the most part - I enjoy it. Human interaction can be interesting, entertaining, and fun when the people you're talking to aren't complete douchebags. As a server, there's a lot of things you have to do well to be successful. Mainly - managing your time correctly, and being able to read the faces of the people at your tables. But with any job, the good comes with the bad. This post will focus on the latter. If you find yourself doing any of the below - stop. This list is in no particular order. You are a customer. I am a server. Let us begin.

(That is not me, but I do want his glove)

1) Running us to death
Server brings food to the table. Usually (if the server is decent) they will ask 'Can I get anything else for you?' Let's say you need some mustard. Server will go and get some mustard. Upon returning to the table with said mustard, another table member suddenly needs a fork. Then someone needs a napkin. Then malt vinegar. HEY JACKASSES - You are not my only table. If possible, try to tell me eeeverything you need when I'm there. Next!

2) By all means, don't acknowledge my presence
To do our job, we have to talk to you. Since I don't know sign language, I have to speak english. So when I come over to greet you - don't sit there and say nothing. Unless you're socially retarded, humans speak when spoken to. You receive messages from the sender, and then you send a new message back. If you have a mouth full of food, or are talking on your cell (another, albeit less annoying pet peeve) - I'll come back. But if you've just been sat, and you're not on your cell phone, and your mouth isn't wired shut - please acknowledge my presence. If this seems weird to you upon reading this - it should. But you'd be amazed at how many people say absolutely nothing, or don't even look at the server when they are approached. Straight silly.

3) Buck up
Whats the thermostat in your residence set at? Probably what you're most comfortable with. Well guess what. The restaurant you're sitting in is not your house. "It's chilly in here." "Dang, you got the heat cranked up in here?" Dear customer: Shut up. Order a coffee if you're cold. Or don't be a skank and wear a halter top with a skirt in the winter when it's below zero. If you're hot - order some ice cream, and don't wear sweatpants if it's 80 degrees out (hypothetical scenario, this has never been witnessed by me...yet) At any rate - if YOU are cold - are you saying we should tamper with the temperature just to suit you? If you haven't noticed, you're dining with a few other dozen people. Just because you weight 89 pounds doesn't mean we're going to change the room temp for you.

4) Insane Modifications
So the turkey burger has onions on it. You want them off? That's fine. But it's shit like this that drives us crazy - "Can you sub rice for the spinach? And can you saute the spinach? Great. And instead of lettuce can I get 3 tomatoes, cut in half? Instead of swiss cheese can I have cheddar AND muenster?" And on and on and on and on. This isn't your kitchen. Don't do insane modifications. It's so unnecessary when you think about it. Plus I write everything down. It's just a huge waste of time for something, like I said, that's usually pretty unnecessary.

5) Admit it: You're finished
You've been letting your food digest for awhile now. Theres a 1 inch bun piece on your plate. Your drink is finished, and your ice is just marinating. You're slouched over in your chair. When I come by to ask if you're done and you say, "no"...or "I'm still working on it" - you're a liar. A mouse would not even eat what's left on your plate. I once had a lady say that she was going to keep her glass to "sip on the ice" because it still "has some gin on it". Admit it: You're finished.

6) Splitting Bills
I understand that sometimes you need to split a bill. Some people have cash, most people use their credit card... and so on and so on. I'm ok with it. It's annoying and time consuming - but it's a part of the job. The problem arises when there's a table of...lets say, 6 or more, and you tell me at the END of the session that you need your bill split. Cool - can you give me about 15 minutes to figure that all out? And if you've ordered multiple rounds of drinks and desserts - you can pretty much forget that. For future reference - if you want to split a bill - tell the server at the beginning of the night. It will make it easier for the server - and ultimately - you'll get better, more efficient service.

7) Don't like it? Don't eat it.
This kills me. Oh, you don't like your steak? Then why did you eat 3/4 of it? If you don't like how your food tastes - DONT EAT IT. Dumbass people try to come in and swindle the place of business into getting a free meal. Fuck off. If you don't like it after having a few bites - let someone know, and 99% of the time it will get taken off the bill, and you'll probably have enough time to order something else. It's amazing how many goofballs try to exploit servers/managers etc into getting free shit. Don't be a jagoff.

8) Your jokes: LAAAAME
Like I stated before. Usually servers will say something to the likes of, "Anything else I can get for you?" at some point in the server/customer sphere. When you come back with 'A million dollars' or 'A bottle of Jack' or 'A wife who would have stayed faithful' - just go die. I could go on forever with this one, but I won't.

9) The doneness of food
There are universal regulations & stuff for cooking food. Some cooks can eye it up, others touch it for doneness - others might even go to extreme lengths of using a meat thermometer (wrong, they'll never do this). Folks - 'medium' means 'some pink'. Get over it. If you order a burger 'well done', do not complain to me that the cooks burned it and there's no flavor. You ordered it that way. Eat it, ya pompous prick. Am I getting worked up over here?

10) If you can't afford to tip...
Then you can't afford to go out. In the days of old, tipping was set on the table before the server even greeted the guest. To "Tip"...actually means 'To Insure Promptness'. The server would show extra care and love depending on how much money the guest put on the table. Little tidbit of knowledge for you. Before you castrate me for bringing this issue up, hear me out. I understand that expecting any sort of tip is purely the customer's discretion. Sure, unless it's stated somewhere on the menu, restaurants do not require it. I don't demand you to tip me. My wage is $2 an hour - it would be nice if you helped me out a biiiit more. The standard seems to be 15%, although some say 18% is more common now. Unless I was speaking portuguese to you while spitting in your soup, 15% is healthy in my book. But if I'm on my game, and have been at or around your table all night as you've racked up a $100 tab, please don't give me anything less than $10. Keep it for yourself. I wish I could come up with a sweet analogy or limmerick or Irish Folktale involving this, but I cannot. For every outrageous tip of 20-25% I've gotten, I've received a 10, 11, or 12% tip the same night. It all works out in the end. I highly doubt anyone reading this has a problem with this one - but really, If you don't want to shell out a little extra for a tip - cook yourself something nice at home.

11) Don't put your shit on other tables
My oh my, what a large coat you have there ma'am! Do you think it deserves its own home on the chair behind you? Interesting, because that chair is at a table that you aren't currently seated at - and now I cannot sit another restaurant patron at that table because of your gaudy coat. Next time please throw your purse, coat, shoes, gloves, earings, douche, and whatever else you might have on you on the floor of the establishment. Because apparently you ARE eating at home. Seriously don't do this. Again I doubt any of you do or have done this, but I'm amazed that people think they can just put there shit on other chairs at other tables. Retarded.

*WHEW* I'm done. Glad to get that off my chest. I'd love to hear feedback on this post. Experiences, sights, sounds, stories. If I'm out of line on any of the above please tell me. If I've missed a point, please write. Until then, enjoy your meal, and I'll be back in a few to check on you...

March Tunes

Marchin' on

10) Coldplay - Lovers in Japan

9) Flight of the Conchords - Carol Brown

8) Lonely Island - I'm on a Boat (Kue Remix)

7) LMFAO - I'm in Miami, Bitch

6) Asher Roth - I love College (This song makes me so sad)

5) Fever Ray - Dry & Dusty

4) Fever Ray - If I had a Heart

If I Had A Heart from Fever Ray on Vimeo.

3) K'naan - Take a Minute

2) Department of Eagles - No One Does it Like You

1) Fever Ray - When I grow Up

When I Grow Up from Fever Ray on Vimeo.

During Oscar Thoughts version 3.0

It's that time of year again. I figured I've done it twice, let's do it a third time. As an added bonus, sort of - I decided to write my picks down for who I thought would win in the main categories. I did pretty well considering the fact that I had only seen 2 (!!!) of the nominated movies (The Dark Knight and Milk). Again, I give you - Thoughts on the Oscars...

• Wow Hugh Jackman is tan. Nevermind - Anne Hathaway is just still really, really pale.

• Well, I still want to fuck Penelope Cruz. 1 Oscar pick wrong, 16 more to go.

• Tina Fey & Steve Martin - I want to go to there.

• Brent: "How much do you think it cost to make that mini animated short for the Oscars?" I don't know, but probably a lot.

• Saank you, sank you, sank you. Says the Japanese man who can't speak English. Want some Sanka? How does the Jap win for a French animated film? And Domo Origato Mr. Roboto? Is it racism if you make fun of your own culture?

• Brent: "When did Sarah Jessica Parker get boobs? Me: "Since always. Don't you remember Hocus Pocus? They were the only reason I watched it."

• Benjamin Button wins for Art Direction. I'm 3 for 5.

• 8:19pm. Brent goes upstairs to talk to Jess. Whatta homo.

• The Duchess wins for costume design. I saw that Kiera Knightley was in it. Neat. If you know me, you know I like my skinny girls. Can't believe I'm saying this, but I think she might be too skinny. Someone give that ho a bacon cheeseburger.

• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is just that for me - as I have not seen it.

• Listen ladies. I look better than Robert Pattison from Twilight. A park bench looks better than him. A rank, clothesless homeless man begging for change on Marquettes campus has a chance to look more attractive than that guy. I don't understand women at all, it's clear.

• I would absolutely destroy Natalie Portman. DESTROY.

• A part of me is really happy for Robert Downey Jr. His current movie roles have been entertaining and inspiring. Years ago, he was a struggling drug addict. His turnaround is good to hear. The other part of me thinks that he's just putting on a front, and is a complete asshole. I say he winds back up in rehab at some point in the future. Heard it here first.

• I love James Franco. Nuff said.

• Billy Corgan is still the worst sounding vocalist in the last 20 years.

• Beyonce is lip synching. I think. But that's ok cuz I don't think she's on steroids. I'll have to ask her ass though, cuz that thing looks juiced. Wait, maybe she's not lip synching. Now i'm unsure. Well this was pointless.

• Dear Mr. Arkin. It's Phillip Seymour Hoffman, not Seymour Phillip Hoffman. Ouch, man.

• Zach Effron looks like Jared Leto, A LOT.

Well that's it. Nothing groundbreaking, unfortunately. Here's my Oscar picks - Green Highlighted picks mean I was right. Red means wrong. Winner in parentheses. I did well, even without reading any 'favorites' columns on the topic.

1) Leading Actor: Mickey Rourke (Sean Penn)
2) Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger
3) Leading Actress: Kate Winslet
4) Supporting Actress: Viola Davis (Penelope Cruz)
5) Animated Film: Wall-E
6) Art Direction - Benjamin Button
7) Cinematography - Slumdog Millionaire
8) Costume Design - Milk (The Duchess)
9) Directing - Slumdog Millionaire
10) Documentary - Encounters from... (Man on Wire)
11) Documentary Short - Witness (Smile Pinki)
12) Editing - Slumdog Millionaire
13) Best Picture - Slumdog Millionaire
14) Sound - The Dark Knight
15) Sound Mixing - The Dark Knight (Slumdog Millionaire)
16) Adapted Screenplay - Doubt (Slumdog Millionaire)
17) Original Screenplay - Milk

That's Tepid, yo.